I feel lonely: loneliness in young people and adults
You can feel lonely surrounded by people, in a relationship or with a full calendar. This guide explains what loneliness is, how to recognise it, what actually helps and when it is time to talk to someone.
Updated: September 11, 2026
What loneliness is
Loneliness is not being alone. It is the gap between the connection you have and the connection you need. That is why it can show up in a full house, inside a relationship or in a lifelong group of friends, and why some people live alone and never feel it.
It is a signal, not a flaw. The way hunger tells you food is missing, loneliness tells you a kind of contact is missing: feeling seen, being able to say what is going on, knowing someone cares. When that signal lasts for weeks or months it stops being a useful alarm and starts changing how you see yourself and other people.
It is very common and very rarely talked about. Nobody says out loud that they feel lonely, so everyone who feels it believes they are the only one. They are not.
How to recognise it
- There are people around you, but nobody you could tell how you really are.
- You avoid plans because they feel hard, then feel worse for having avoided them.
- You changed city, job, school or life stage, and the social life you had has not come back.
- You spend a lot of time on social media or screens and feel emptier when you close them.
- You catch yourself thinking you are a bother, that you do not fit, or that nobody would mind if you disappeared for a while.
- Sadness, tiredness or irritability have crept in with no clear reason.
What helps
Naming it. Saying "I feel lonely" out loud, even to one person, already changes something: it turns a vague feeling into a concrete problem that can be worked on.
Small, repeated contact. Loneliness is not fixed by one big plan but by brief contact that repeats: a message, a coffee, the same class every week. Consistency counts for more than intensity.
Checking the story you tell yourself. Over time, loneliness teaches you to read other people as a threat: "they will ignore me", "I will be in the way". Therapy works on exactly that filter, because it is usually what keeps loneliness going even after the situation changes.
What therapy does. It does not introduce you to people or organise your social life. It helps you understand what keeps you away from contact, tell loneliness apart from things that look like it, such as depression or social anxiety, and try small changes with someone who follows them with you.
What it does not do. It does not replace relationships. It is a space to recover the ability to have them.
When to ask for help
Feeling lonely for a while after a change is normal and usually passes as life reorganises itself.
It is time to talk to a professional if the feeling has lasted more than a few weeks, if it has started to affect your sleep, your motivation or your performance, or if you notice you no longer approach anyone because you assume it will not go well.
If thoughts of not wanting to be here appear, do not wait until next week: call 024 (Línea 24h de atención a la conducta suicida) or, in immediate danger, 112.
Who you would talk to
Licensed professionals on our team who work on this. You choose, and you can change if it does not fit.
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Ainhoa Corbera
Licensed psychologist · Clinical director
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Joan Salmerón
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
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Jordi Dou
General Health Psychologist (Col. 30243)
Frequently asked questions
- Is feeling lonely the same as being depressed?
- No, although they look alike and sometimes go together. Loneliness is the lack of a connection you need; depression affects mood, energy and interest in almost everything, even with people nearby. If in doubt, a professional can help you tell them apart.
- Can I feel lonely with a partner or friends?
- Yes. Loneliness depends on the quality of contact, not the quantity. You can have plenty of company and no conversation in which you feel seen.
- How is loneliness worked on in therapy?
- It starts by understanding what keeps it going in your case: a change of stage, how you read other people, anxiety about approaching them, a low mood. From there, small changes are tried between sessions and reviewed together.
Sources
An informational guide prepared by We Are Psycho from reference bodies and guidelines. It does not replace an individual clinical assessment.