Life transitions in adulthood: work, separation and grief

Why life transitions unsettle us

Adult life is not a straight line. There are moments when something important ends or changes all at once: a job that is lost or no longer fulfilling, a relationship that ends, the death of someone you love, retirement, children leaving home, a move to a new city. Even when some are chosen, they all force you to reorganise your life and, often, the way you see yourself.

That is why they are so unsettling. A job is not just a salary: it gives you routines, relationships and part of your identity. A separation is not just the end of a couple: it changes your home, your finances, shared friends and, if there are children, the way you are a family. And grief does not follow a timetable: there is no right way to go through it, and feelings can come and go for a long time (NHS).

Feeling sad, angry, afraid, relieved or a mix of everything is normal at these times. Most people adapt gradually, with time and support (APA). Sometimes, though, a change weighs more than it should, or several arrive at once, and it is hard to find the next step.

How to recognise it is weighing on you

• You have lost your job, or have felt for a while that yours no longer makes sense, and do not know which way to go.
• After a separation you struggle to rebuild your daily life, and feel you have lost yourself too.
• Someone important has died and, some time on, the pain still takes up everything.
• You have retired, or your children have left home, and the days feel long and aimless.
• You keep going over what you could have done differently.
• You sleep badly, have lost interest in seeing people or notice you are more irritable than before.
• You feel you have had to start from scratch at an age you did not expect.

What helps

Giving yourself permission for the change. An ending, even a chosen one, is experienced as a loss, and losses need time. You do not have to feel fine straight away or have it all worked out to start moving.

Looking after the basics. Keeping regular hours, sleeping, moving and eating with some regularity holds you up when everything else is shaky. And lean on the people close to you, even if asking is hard (NHS).

Separating what you can change from what you cannot. You cannot undo a loss, but you can decide the next steps: a course, a job search with a different approach, a new way of organising your home or custody. Small, concrete steps bring back a sense of control.

Asking yourself again what you want. A life transition also opens questions: what matters to you now, what you want to leave behind and what you want to build. Answering them calmly is the basis for a new direction, at work or in life.

Making room for grief. After the death of someone you love, talking about them, keeping rituals and accepting that there will be better and worse days helps you live with the loss without it taking up everything (APA).

What therapy does. At We Are Psycho we support you through the change: working through the loss, handling guilt, anger or fear, making decisions about work, your relationship or your family with more clarity, and rebuilding a routine and an identity that make sense to you now.

What it does not do. It does not tell you what decision to take or rush your grief. It helps you live through it and decide more calmly.

When to ask for help

Having a hard time during a life transition is normal. It is time to talk to a professional when the distress has not eased for months, when it stops you working, looking after yourself or relating to others, when grief still takes up everything long afterwards, when you turn to alcohol or other substances to cope, or when you feel there is no way out.

If thoughts of hurting yourself or of not wanting to go on appear, do not wait: call 024 (Línea 24h de atención a la conducta suicida). In immediate danger, call 112. We Are Psycho does not provide emergency care.

• 

  Maimuna Balde

  Licensed General Health Psychologist

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• 

  Sofia Falaschi

  General Health Psychologist

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• 

  Santiago Calafate Delgado

  General Health Psychologist (Registered M-30800)

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Frequently asked questions

How long does grief last?

There is no set time. Everyone goes through it at their own pace, and it is normal for sadness to return on significant dates even years later. It is worth seeking help when, after a long time, the pain still stops you living your life or leaves room for nothing else.

Can therapy help me change career?

It can help you understand what the change asks of you, what is holding you back and what really matters to you, and make the decision with more clarity. Technical career guidance, such as a CV or a job search, is provided by career guidance services.

We have separated and have children. How do we make it affect them as little as possible?

It helps to explain the separation simply and in a way that suits their age, keep them out of the conflict, maintain their routines and let them know they can keep loving both of you. In therapy you can work on how to do this and how to look after yourself at the same time.

How does therapy work at We Are Psycho?

It is online and confidential. You tell us what is going on, we suggest the psychologist who fits you best and you choose. If you have questions about how it works first, we explain it in a free 20-minute call, with no commitment.